miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
