I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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