you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
