Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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