Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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