That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Panties = found
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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