You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
