so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
