does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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