I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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