I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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