Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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