Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
