you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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