I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
