Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize