I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
