I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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