Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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