Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
