i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
