hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
