We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
