one word: firstdatebathroomanal
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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