I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
