I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I need to calm my uterus...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
