I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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