I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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