its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
