So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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