is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
being pregnant is like rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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