There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
