I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
