how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
