Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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