Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just invented taco cereal.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
