Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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