My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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