im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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