we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
