You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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