i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
