Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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