I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
