whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
