So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
