i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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