She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
