I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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