Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
