You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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