Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
