Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
