your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
