East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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