pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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