I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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