just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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