Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
