you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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