Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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