first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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