Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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