That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
