you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
