i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
