just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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