just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
