**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
