dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
