why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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