Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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